Merry Christmas 2013

Dear Landry


Another Christmas is here!  It's hard to believe that this is your fourth Christmas in Heaven, although you never spent a Christmas on earth, it's still hard to believe.


I have felt you near a lot lately and I want to thank you for helping me along.  This time of year can be a struggle, even though it is my favorite time of year.  I always worry!!


This Christmas season has been a nice one, we didn't do any one thing in honor of your name but we did a few different anonymous things, (you know what they are).


This year we also added some new decorations to have reminders of you.  Dad bought a really cool angel solar light.  I have never seen anything like it!  I can't wait to put it out, but I think we will wait for some better weather.  I got some angel ornaments, that are pretty cool and a little angel statue that isn't all girly like most angel things.  Grandma got Bentley and Abby each a dragonfly ornament that is pretty cool too.  We also got you some beautiful white flowers for your garden marker outside.  I was hoping they would freeze quickly and stay for awhile but our weather warmed up just enough to ruin that plan.  We enjoyed the sunshine though.


We will always love and miss you!  Thank you for continuing to send us beautiful sunsets to enjoy every night.  Thank you for cheering us on during those down times and hard days.  Please continue to be with us and help us through this journey we call life.


We love you little man and hope your Christmas in heaven is wonderful!


Love you always and forever
Mom

Where is Heaven, Is it very far?

I was raised to know that heaven is never far away.  I believed it while I was growing up and still do to this day...maybe a little more now than before.

Both of my parents are in heaven and an incredible aunt and uncle took me and my two sisters in and called us their own, making one family out of two.  They became our mom and dad too.

My mom taught us that our parents and heaven were always near and I know that to be true.  When Landry passed away, there was some peace knowing that his death was not the end, because of my knowledge from my upbringing.  I know that he too, will always be close because heaven is as near as you let it be.

After Landry passed away, Lenn and I became obsessed with sunsets!  I cannot remember the one time that it really came to me but I remember thinking 'I bet the little angels in heaven are in charge of the sunsets each night to help was remember them'.  After that I have watched for the perfect timing of sunsets.  I don't catch each one but I try.  They bring me such peace and an excuse to sit and think of my little Landry.

Since sunsets bring me such peace I love to pass that one to others who have lost a loved one.  I had the idea of putting Landry in a sunset and I loved it.  It put two loves together!  I have done a few for others and I hope they find the same peace that I do when I see sunsets knowing that Landry will always be close and there to help us along this journey we call life.

 

 



This thing called death...

This week has had it's highs and lows.  The highs have been wonderful and the lows have been horrible!

We found out that Lenn's old football coach and friend lost his mom, then the very next morning we found out that one of our good friend's had lost his dad in a tragic accident.  This morning we found out that sweet little Maggie, an sma angel, had been called home to heaven to join her big brother. 

Our hearts have been heavy the last few days. 

We do believe in Heaven, we do believe in life after death, so why is death such a sting?  I wish I had the answer but I do not!  I have said and heard others say that it is the ones who are left behind that don't want to have to go on without their loved ones.  It might be selfish, but I am right there.  It is hard!  It is something you never plan on or expect to have to go through.
It doesn't matter how old, sick or weak a loved one is or how ready you might think you are.  I do not believe you can ever truly be ready for the reality of the death of a loved one. 

After losing Landry, life became different, very different.  It probably seems crazy to some what some of us hold on to or what we might do because of it.  We are very blessed to have two healthy children.  We probably spoil them and give them way too much but it is hard not to.  It is hard not to try to capture every single moment of every single activity!  I am grateful for photos and videos.  I probably have way too many pictures and videos to ever get organized but I don't care it gives me something to hold to.  (I really don't think you could ever have too many photos though).  So if you ever think we are crazy at a football game, me with a camera, Lenn with a video camera and still taking full advantage of all of Karla's pictures we just might be.  We may be a little crazy but that is what is getting us through grief, I guess.
I can't help but feel blessed and taken care of at this time.  Owen is doing well, as well as he can, and will be six in January. 
Even though we are part of the SMA community and we hear of death a lot, it never gets easier!  Each time an angel is called back to heaven are hearts break once again.  The thoughts of Landry passing come rushing back.  The tears flow without warning and your mind stays with the family dealing with the recent lose.  Even when you don't know the family your heart honestly hurts for them. 

This song has been in my mind all day today, especially the third verse.

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good

1. Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

2. What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

3. When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
4. For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

Placed in our lives

I believe in a much bigger plan than any one of us could ever imagine. I believe the Lord places the people in our lives they we need the most.
Over the last five, almost six years, we have been blessed by the people who have been placed in our lives.
This fall, Lenn was looking at more sheep!  He found some and told me he was going to get them.  I told him I wanted to go, which was odd.  It is so much easier to stay home, but I had a strong feeling to go that day.  I kept trying to talk myself out of it, but I kept getting that same feeling that I should go.  We loaded Owen up and off we went.  The whole way over I kept thinking of all the things I could be doing at home.
We got to the place where the sheep were and there was an older man and a younger lady.  I was in the truck with Owen and Lenn was visiting with them for awhile. Then the lady left and later came back out and headed for the truck.  I opened the door to say hello and instantly I knew why I needed to go that day!
This young lady has a story of her own, and a fairly recent one. Yet she seemed so brave to be talking to me about it and keeping her composure the whole time.  Yes, there were a few tears but her strength was something to write home about.
She has a little angel that came way too early due to her own health conditions and also hospital negligence.  She told me her story and then told me what miracles she witnessed with the birth and passing of her sweet little girl.
I am very grateful I was able to meet this lady, she is no longer even in the country but her strength and testimony will always be a great example to me.  Sometimes it helps to know that we are not alone in our trials that we are given and to see others with such strength lets you know you can do it to.
I know our loving Heavenly Father has a plan and even though it is not always fun or easy, His plan also contains the help we need to endure the trials that are given to us.  We have been blessed with such great examples through friends and family and I am so grateful to have them through any trials that come our way.

Celebrating your 3rd birthday with a gift of HOPE!

Our dear little Landry,

We can't believe you would be 3 years old, oh how time flies!  I don't know how it is possible but it is, it feels like forever since I held you in my arms but it seems like just yesterday when you came into this world.

Each year I try to think of a way to give you a gift.  I know I can't but I can't help but think you would want us to give to someone else.  This year I thought and thought and it finally came to me, I am sure it was with you help!  We gave a gift of HOPE to a special family, we pray that is does just that, gives them hope in their upcoming future.

I bought you a cute little sweater before you were born and since you never got to wear it, I have wanted to give it to someone special.  I haven't found the right someone until recently.

There is a special little boy coming to this Earth soon.  He has been tested and it is confirmed that this little soldier has SMA.  He has an older sister who lives in Heaven too, she also had SMA.  When we heard the news of this little guy I really wanted to do something for them.  So that is how we picked who would get your gift this year.

We gave them your little sweater so that he can go home and grow into it!!  We gave them a CD with some special songs, letters, poems and a HOPE plaque.  We hope they enjoy them and that they were touched with a little bit of your special spirit when they received it.

Landry, you are such a special part of our family!  We would not be complete without you, that is maybe why some days can be so hard.  We know that one day our family will be able to ALL be together in one place and at the same time.  There will be no more separation. 

We can be together forever one day!

We love you so much and I pray you will keep sending us love, keep watching over us and helping us through this life.

Happy Birthday my sweet little guy!

Love Mom

I asked a friend at the last minute if she could make this and I think it turned out great. Thank you!

Happy Birthday sweet boy!



Dad, Bentley and Abby brought you another dragonfly and your little bunny for Easter and Springtime.

Your flower made an early appearance this year on your birthday!  This flower always brings a smile and remembering you.

You even had some Easter eggs colored for you!

Christmas letter to Landry

Dear Landry,

Merry Christmas little angel!  Dad was so busy this fall building new corrals that he almost missed getting the lights up.  He finally got them up to tell you Merry Christmas.  We hope you enjoy them again this year.  We added an angel to the collection of lights this year and it reminds me of you, our angel in heaven.

This year our gift to you still hasn't been sent because there were so many worthy causes to chose from.  Since it is in behalf of you, it needs to feel just right.  Today we finally felt right about who the gift should go to.  His name is Cooper, he is 2 years old and has SMA.  He has been in the hospital and was even there for Christmas.  Our hearts break for Cooper and his Mom, not only does he have SMA and has been sick, last week his Dad died in a car accident.  I am sure his special Daddy is up there with you now.  We would like to give Cooper and his Mom a little Christmas cheer in honor of your name even though it will be late.

We are so grateful for you being a part of our family.  You weren't here very long but you sure made an impact on our family that will last forever.  Your sweet little determined soul will never be forgotten.

My arms ache to hold you again, but I know you will stay near and watch over us; helping us get back to you and our Heavenly Father one day.  How grateful I am for His plan of salvation, knowing that I will see you again and knowing where you are and that you are taken care of.

Lots of Love

Mom



We never got to spend Christmas with you so I had to add a little Christmas to you!

Merry Christmas little man! We love you and always will.



Remembering Daniel

Dearest Daniel

Our hearts are saddened for your sweet mom and dad knowing that you are no longer here with them.  Even though you are in heaven please stay near them and help them along the journey of life that they still have to endure.  We know you are happy and free from this world and that you are playing with all the other little angels in heaven.

We always wanted to meet you in person but it never happened.  You were such a sweet boy and it showed in the many pictures we got of see of you.  Owen loves seeing your pictures, they always make him smile.  You seem to make everyone smile.  Thank you for all the smiles and kisses you sent from afar.  You will always be in our hearts because you are so dear to our family.  We will never forget you and what a strong little boy you were.  I know that now you are a perfect angel and will never suffer again!

Because of you, Daniel, we vow to always try to be better.  When Owen was still in the NICU at Primary's he received some cute balloons and the tag read: "Hang in there, Buddy! Your friend Daniel".  I know you had some help in sending those balloons, they made our day, not just Owen's.  Because of those balloons and sweet gesture we send balloons to children during their stay at Primary's.  I hope they make their day as your balloons made ours.

You fought a hard fight and did it with a smile!  You are loved and missed by many.  We pray for your family that they will feel the Lord's comforting love as they mourn their sweet little boy.

We may never see new cute pictures, but we will remember you each time we see a sunset.  Keep sending your love, smiles and kisses and we will be watching and waiting down here.

Lots of love,
The Johnson's
Lenn, Gayle, Bentley, Abby, Owen and angel Landry