The past few years have been a whirlwind and I have not taken the time to write down feelings or document our life with angels. Today I got news of the passing of our dear Dr. Chan. He was a miracle in our lives. We were truly blessed to have had him on Owen's team and then 'add' himself to Landry's.
I have not taken the time to tell those I love and appreciate how much I do love and appreciate them. Today is another day that regret is heavy. Dr. Chan came into our lives in just that right moment. Our weeks at the NICU when he was the attending doctor were so much brighter than those without him there.
I wonder if he and Owen were buddies before this time on earth? He knew Owen and Owen loved him. I know I have shared this story before but it is so dear to my heart I want to share again. There were a few dark weeks in the NICU that Dr. Chan wasn't on Owen's rotation. The doctors had convinced us, or rather tried making decisions for us. They told us Owen would have no life, that he would ruin our family life and had us convinced that we needed to let Owen go. They made it sound like that was our only option. We had made arrangements to have a 'family room' for a night with Owen, Bentley and Abby before turning off machines the next weekend.
I don't remember the exact day, but days before that weekend I was holding Owen late one night, as I did each night. I even remember what I was wearing, a brown t-shirt with Wyoming in pink letters. The door from the hallway opened and in walked Dr Chan, with light beaming around him. I really think he walked with angels. He came into our room, looked at me and said, 'is this your decision?'. I told him that it wasn't our decision but were told we were torturing Owen by keeping him alive. He then told me to look down at Owen's eyes, as I did, he told me not to give up until his eyes give up.
How grateful I am for the late night visit! Dr. Chan was my ray of light in the dark night. Owen's eyes continued to be a highlight each and everyday until he left us. His eyes told us so many things, if he was happy, sad, sick or if you were just in the way of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He even teased with his eyes. Oh how I miss those eyes! I am so grateful for the 7 1/2 years Dr. Chan gave us with Owen! I will be forever indebted to him and those he recruited to 'Owen's team'.
A few years later when Landry was born, I was at home at the time, when I called the nurse to check on Landry she told me he had a visitor and that he had fed Landry his first bottle!! It was Dr. Chan!! I couldn't believe he had driven to Logan to check on him. He gave us words of hope and encouragement for Landry. Weeks later when Landry passed away, he and his wife came to the funeral to show support and love. I am not sure how many funerals he attended because of his profession but the NICU world was blessed to have him as long as it did.
I am grateful for Dr. Chan and to my Heavenly Father for putting him in our lives. We didn't get to know him much outside the hospital but he will always be in our hearts.
