Sunday, July 31, 2016

Talking with angels

I remember the day I took this picture. It's blurry because it was with my phone away from Owen and I had to zoom in so I didn't disturb him. This is what I would refer to him 'talking with angels'. I would be in the kitchen or somewhere away from Owen and I would hear him 'talking' happily. He would be making noises while smiling. The first few times I rushed over and started talking to him because I thought it was so cute. When I would get to him and start talking he would give me the look! It was like I just brought him back to reality. The look of why in the world did you disturb me ;) He had quite the personality!

The first times that I really realized and took note of this was when I was pregnant with Landry. I was telling my sister one day and she said "he's talking to his little brother". After that when I would hear him I would quietly listen and watch from afar. He would make noises and smile and his eyes were either closed (because that's what happened when he smiled) or he would be looking up at nothing or what I thought was nothing.

I know he was close to those around us that we may not see. I am pretty sure he was never alone, in fact there were times when we had scary situations with Owen. It was all pretty much a blur during the moment. As I reflected on the situation I realized we weren't alone, I call these heavenly hands. After one situation I thought about what had happened and I knew that Lenn and I were not alone at all. The room was full, more than just Lenn, Owen, Bentley, Abby and myself. I am not sure how exactly how to explain what I felt but I know we had a lot of helpers that night and many other nights. Maybe it was because Owen was so friendly during these talks of his.

I will never forget these or the spirit this little guy was surrounded with. He really was my strength and I miss that!

Monday, January 4, 2016

Happy 8th Heaven

Owen would have turned 8 on Sunday. His first birthday in heaven, oh how we miss him!
We believe that when you turn 8 you reach the age of accountability and you can choose to be baptized into our church. I knew that even if Owen was still here he wouldn't be able to be baptized but the thought of baptism wouldn't leave my mind. 'Great to be eight' kept running through my mind. One on night the thought came to me that for Owen's birthday we could go to the temple and do baptisms for the dead(baptisms by proxy for those who have passed on). I got excited and told Lenn and the kids. The next thought was that we should invite family and friends to do the same!

Friends and family went to the temple to celebrate Owen's 8th birthday! I was so excited. Some went for the first time, others went and took pictures, some are planning on going later. It makes my heart happy that this was done. I want to thank all of you who have gone or plan to go or just thought of him on his birthday. He is missed, but still very loved!

We went to the temple on Saturday and as I was getting our names I glanced at the guy next to me, his name card read Owen Robert.....I knew we where supposed to be there and that our Owen Robert was there with us! We had a great time together as a family in the temple, it was our first time as a family.
I'm so grateful for the spirit that gave me the prompting to go and 'give this gift to Owen'. It made his birthday so much easier to get through. I know he is busy up there but also that he takes time to check in on us when he can. I'm also grateful for his special birthday buddy, angel Mercydez. Her family has been a blessing to us for the last 8 years. They will always have a special place in our hearts.
Happy 8th birthday little buddy!!
Owens birthday cake. He loved frosting, chocolate and grasshopper (mint covered in chocolate) creamies. His cake was chocolate with a layer of mint chocolate chip ice cream. 
His therapist would bring creamies and Owen loved the mint kind. Thanks to Dallas for the inspiration.

Temple pictures that were shared with us.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas 2015

Dearest Owen and Landry,

Merry Christmas to our sweet lil' angels! We truly love and miss you! I am glad you have one another to celebrate Christmas together with Jesus this year! Even though Christmas is very different for us this year, there is some comfort knowing you two are together. 

Thank you for watching over us and always being near, even when it's hard to remember I know you are not far.

This year has been an especially hard, but special Christmas! We have been given some of the sweetest gifts because of you. We will always treasure them. We also have the sweet spirit that represents you both.

It is hard not wrapping a gift to physically give you both but I love giving a gift in honor of you. This year the gift went to a special family with two angels of their own, one of them was a NICU neighbor to you Owen. This family has had a special place in our hearts for years. The mom drove down to your funeral (many hours) pregnant and with a toddler, missed the viewing, stayed for the funeral just to turn around and go back home.  

Before your funeral we stopped at the post office to get the mail and we had a package (besides Abby's baby chicks!!) The package was for you Owen, it was the leg warmers I bought to get you prepared for Bentley's upcoming football season so your little legs had a chance at staying warm. When we found out this family was expecting a baby boy I knew you would want him to have them. That is how we picked the family this year.
The pictures and poem- I love having you sweet boys as part of our Christmas decorations. It started in 2010 after you (Landry) were born and returned to Heaven. It felt so empty as Christmas was approaching and Grandma Walker reminded me of a poem that my aunt like for her son that had passed away. You know me, I can't just have the poem, I have to add a picture! Each Christmas I replace your(Landry's) picture on the wall with this one for the Christmas season.
Here is the new one.

The 'lips' (chap sticks)- we know you (Owen) loved your 'lips' and got to pick a flavor each day.

That is the gift we gave in honor of you and your memory. Dad also added some lights outside for you to see. My favorite is the wreath with the two angels. 

We love you and hope you have a very Merry Christmas. 

Love Mom, Dad, Bentley and Abby

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Going through pictures...

Owen wasn't very sick that often but when he was it was always a huge worry! I remember doing this for a pin for his funeral, he must have been sick at the time. I had forgotten all about it until today when I came across it looking for another picture. What a precious boy! I sure love him!!

Today I am missing him.....missing them.

What sweet boys we have waiting for us. We are so busy right now with life and it is going so fast but some days it just isn't fast enough!

Although my heart hurts beyond words I wouldn't trade my heartache for anything. Just knowing I will be with our boys again and be able to raise them is enough to get me through this life on Earth. I will be forever grateful that they were both sent to our family and I hope I will do whatever it takes to get back to them some day, even when it seems unbearable.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Not forgotten

Today in church was the primary program. I had a hard time not being consumed with Owen in my mind. Where was his class sitting, would they have facetimed him like last year or would he have had a part? 
The songs bought the spirit and many were favorites of Owen's and mine. The first song, I think it was the first, was "I know that my Redeemer lives". What no one knew is that was the first song Lenn and I sang in the first sacrament meeting at Primary Children's. I'm not sure we made it through the first line before we both lost our composure. It's an 'Owen' song now.
Near the end of the program, a boy named Mack got up to say his part. He started talking and soon said Owen's name. Of course we all started listening intently to hear what all he had to say. Tears started streaming down my face as I felt the sweet spirit as this little friend of Owen's finished speaking. 
They finished by singing 'I'll walk with you' which was song by primary kids and cousins at his funeral.
I love that Owen had an impact on these children but my heart also hurts for them as they learned the harsh reality of life and death.

Thank you Mack for your love and friendship. May you always remember Owen and his love for you and all his little buddies. Thank you to your sweet mom, Sue, too.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Tender mercies

One night I decided to go cut a bouquet for my angel boys. As I walked around to the front of the house I looked to the horizon and saw something so beautiful! It was like they were telling me they were there and always would be.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Not ready to hurt month

One month ago tonight I spoke these words to Owen for the last time, "goodbye little buddy, we'll be right back" as we headed out to do chores for the night. Oh how I wish I could say those words again as I touched his little cheeks!
This month has been good, it's been hard and it's been fast. I feel like we've stayed so busy that we haven't let it sink in that our little Owen is really gone! Today it sank a little deeper and it hurts. I think I've put up a shield because I am NOT ready to hurt this bad again. I don't think anyone is ever ready.
This morning I got a call from a company asking if Owen needed more supplies....unfortunately not. The night of his viewing we came home to his shipment of diapers. The day of his funeral I got the package of leg warmers I had ordered to get ready for the upcoming football season. I know there are hard days yet to come but I also know there will also be great days! 
I fought tears all day today, because I don't like crying. Tonight we went to get a part and stopped at the cemetery. It happened to be 8:30, exactly one month ago. Lenn turned around to see an elephant in the clouds. It didn't stay long but we saw it and it was perfect! A minute later there was another bigger elephant. I know there will be many tender mercies and I will forever be grateful for each one of them.