Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas 2015

Dearest Owen and Landry,

Merry Christmas to our sweet lil' angels! We truly love and miss you! I am glad you have one another to celebrate Christmas together with Jesus this year! Even though Christmas is very different for us this year, there is some comfort knowing you two are together. 

Thank you for watching over us and always being near, even when it's hard to remember I know you are not far.

This year has been an especially hard, but special Christmas! We have been given some of the sweetest gifts because of you. We will always treasure them. We also have the sweet spirit that represents you both.

It is hard not wrapping a gift to physically give you both but I love giving a gift in honor of you. This year the gift went to a special family with two angels of their own, one of them was a NICU neighbor to you Owen. This family has had a special place in our hearts for years. The mom drove down to your funeral (many hours) pregnant and with a toddler, missed the viewing, stayed for the funeral just to turn around and go back home.  

Before your funeral we stopped at the post office to get the mail and we had a package (besides Abby's baby chicks!!) The package was for you Owen, it was the leg warmers I bought to get you prepared for Bentley's upcoming football season so your little legs had a chance at staying warm. When we found out this family was expecting a baby boy I knew you would want him to have them. That is how we picked the family this year.
The pictures and poem- I love having you sweet boys as part of our Christmas decorations. It started in 2010 after you (Landry) were born and returned to Heaven. It felt so empty as Christmas was approaching and Grandma Walker reminded me of a poem that my aunt like for her son that had passed away. You know me, I can't just have the poem, I have to add a picture! Each Christmas I replace your(Landry's) picture on the wall with this one for the Christmas season.
Here is the new one.


The 'lips' (chap sticks)- we know you (Owen) loved your 'lips' and got to pick a flavor each day.

That is the gift we gave in honor of you and your memory. Dad also added some lights outside for you to see. My favorite is the wreath with the two angels. 




We love you and hope you have a very Merry Christmas. 

Love Mom, Dad, Bentley and Abby

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Going through pictures...


Owen wasn't very sick that often but when he was it was always a huge worry! I remember doing this for a pin for his funeral, he must have been sick at the time. I had forgotten all about it until today when I came across it looking for another picture. What a precious boy! I sure love him!!

Today I am missing him.....missing them.

What sweet boys we have waiting for us. We are so busy right now with life and it is going so fast but some days it just isn't fast enough!

Although my heart hurts beyond words I wouldn't trade my heartache for anything. Just knowing I will be with our boys again and be able to raise them is enough to get me through this life on Earth. I will be forever grateful that they were both sent to our family and I hope I will do whatever it takes to get back to them some day, even when it seems unbearable.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Not forgotten

Today in church was the primary program. I had a hard time not being consumed with Owen in my mind. Where was his class sitting, would they have facetimed him like last year or would he have had a part? 
The songs bought the spirit and many were favorites of Owen's and mine. The first song, I think it was the first, was "I know that my Redeemer lives". What no one knew is that was the first song Lenn and I sang in the first sacrament meeting at Primary Children's. I'm not sure we made it through the first line before we both lost our composure. It's an 'Owen' song now.
Near the end of the program, a boy named Mack got up to say his part. He started talking and soon said Owen's name. Of course we all started listening intently to hear what all he had to say. Tears started streaming down my face as I felt the sweet spirit as this little friend of Owen's finished speaking. 
They finished by singing 'I'll walk with you' which was song by primary kids and cousins at his funeral.
I love that Owen had an impact on these children but my heart also hurts for them as they learned the harsh reality of life and death.


Thank you Mack for your love and friendship. May you always remember Owen and his love for you and all his little buddies. Thank you to your sweet mom, Sue, too.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Tender mercies


One night I decided to go cut a bouquet for my angel boys. As I walked around to the front of the house I looked to the horizon and saw something so beautiful! It was like they were telling me they were there and always would be.



Monday, August 10, 2015

Not ready to hurt again....one month

One month ago tonight I spoke these words to Owen for the last time, "goodbye little buddy, we'll be right back" as we headed out to do chores for the night. Oh how I wish I could say those words again as I touched his little cheeks!
This month has been good, it's been hard and it's been fast. I feel like we've stayed so busy that we haven't let it sink in that our little Owen is really gone! Today it sank a little deeper and it hurts. I think I've put up a shield because I am NOT ready to hurt this bad again. I don't think anyone is ever ready.
This morning I got a call from a company asking if Owen needed more supplies....unfortunately not. The night of his viewing we came home to his shipment of diapers. The day of his funeral I got the package of leg warmers I had ordered to get ready for the upcoming football season. I know there are hard days yet to come but I also know there will also be great days! 
I fought tears all day today, because I don't like crying. Tonight we went to get a part and stopped at the cemetery. It happened to be 8:30, exactly one month ago. Lenn turned around to see an elephant in the clouds. It didn't stay long but we saw it and it was perfect! A minute later there was another bigger elephant. I know there will be many tender mercies and I will forever be grateful for each one of them.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Tribute to Owen

The Miracle of the 7 year Journey

Our journey began 7 ½ years ago in January.  Owen was brought by many angels to join our family. I don’t think any of us ever felt worthy of Owen but he sure blessed our lives and will continue to.  He was given a special blessing by Elder L. Tom Perry while at Primary Children’s and in his blessing we were told he would surprise us all. He definitely lived up to it! Seven years ago today, we brought Owen home to Cokeville.

Not many believed in Owen, his frail little body wouldn’t last long, we were told. Owen gave us a different vibe. We felt like he had a divine purpose her on this Earth. We began to build ‘Owen’s team’ while he was at Primary’s, this team quickly found their way into our hearts and our family. Our family more than doubled when Owen was born. We got 7 ½ precious years with Owen because of his team. Dr. Chan was one of his first teammates. I call him my ray of sunshine. He was sent to watch over Owen in the hospital and I will always be grateful for his time, love, support and advice. Without him Owen wouldn’t have made it home. Owen’s team carried him for his whole life and we love them. His team never stopped growing.

Even though Owen could not speak, he showed us what he loved. We were often asked how Owen communicated and we would reply by telling them to sit by him for 5 minutes and they would shortly find out. His eyes, smiles and facial expression were amazing. We were blessed by them in many ways. Most children like Owen lose their smile, but Owen’s only grew stronger with time. Just another tender mercy sent by the Lord.

He was a light in our home and will truly be missed! He loved to get in his stroller and go for a ride in the van to softball and football games. We tried to have has many adventures as we dared with him. He loved everything about them except for wind and bugs! He didn’t like to be in his stroller in the house but his eyes would light up when we told him we were going for a ride.

He loved his therapists when they came, he was blessed to have all good therapists and he loved them! They all treated him as though he was a favorite. He would work so hard for them and even had his own way of teasing sometimes too! He looked forward to them coming and would sometimes skip his nap to make sure he didn’t miss them. It was fun to see him use his eyes to tell us what he wanted. It was even more fun to watch him tease someone! He was smart and when things were a little too easy with the therapists he would trick them by either looking at the wrong choice and then smiling or just simply look somewhere else like he wasn‘t paying attention.

Once we started with facetime for preschool and story time and then primary and kindergarten he always looked forward to that. His eyes would light up when I would get him ready. He started waking up extra early to make sure he didn’t miss it. He always smiled and enjoyed when his classmates would wave and say ‘hi Owen’. Even though most of the time the classmates were gone before they could see his smile. He loved when they would read to him. He loved every bit of facetime.

He loved to interact with people but was always cautious with new people. We were always a little cautious or terrified of sickness so we mainly stuck to outdoor events. We did make a few exceptions over the years and the last exception we made was going to Owen’s Kindergarten program and letting him be part of it. We are so thankful we made that one!

He loved being held! He loved attention and being sung too. He loved coloring or playing on the ipad. He loved his lights and Christmas lights and I am sure his Dad will have some glowing for him for Christmas this year. He loved his music. He mainly loved primary songs, they would make a terrible day better in no time. If he wasn’t feeling well that’s what he wanted most, next to being held.

Owen’s doctor talked us into letting him ‘Make-a-Wish’. He chose his wish with his eyes and loved every second of it! It was truly a blessed week for him. He was happy the entire week we were gone. I am pretty sure he knew it was all about him.

Our journey with Owen was blessed by many of you. Family and friends would tell me often how they pray for Owen and our family every night. In fact, I believe he was still baby Owen in many homes.

Our prayers were answered so many times. We were told Owen would spend most of each winter in the hospital with pneumonia and never once was he hospitalized for sickness after being released to come home. We have you to thank for being diligent in your prayers on our behalf. We prayed that he might stay happy and comfortable until he returned to heaven and again another prayer was answered. Many times we were blessed with heavenly hands in crisis with Owen. He was in the Lord’s hands and we witnessed it several times.

Owen changed my life for the better, it came with heartache but I hope I will always remember and cherish the lessons he taught. He is a valiant servant of the Lord and has only returned to keep up the work. I know he is hard at work but will always keep watch over us.

He was called courageous by a dear friend who was learning to change his trach and I couldn’t agree with her more. He is my hero. He was courageous in many ways and endured things by having faith in us to take care of him while on his earthly journey. We were told many negative things about prolonging his life with a trach and vent but I wouldn’t trade the last 7 ½ years for anything. He gives me hope and taught me to have more faith in my Heavenly Father and to trust in His will even when things look bleak. He taught me that I can do hard things. He taught me to be grateful and not complain. Owen touched anyone who came into his life. Owen was a courageous fighter and fought until his body could no longer keep up.

I will never forget his eyes and smiles! They were the highlight of my day.  He could light up a room with the slightest smile and his eyes were full of love and even a little mischievous sometimes but they were sure to make someone‘s day. He loved looking at things and if he loved something it was supposed to stay put. If I ever had to move something or wanted to change what he looked at, I quickly found I had to do it while he was turned the other way because he would cry if he saw me moving his things.

He was loved by many and he loved many. He had so many wonderful people in his life so many that made sacrifices to either help take care of him or go out of their way to come visit him. He blessed our lives in too many ways to count and changed our lives forever. Owen had a way of touching anyone who came in contact with him. He had such a special spirit that surrounded him. I am sure that is a little bit of what heaven feels like. I’m sure he is right at home now, even though we are left with broken hearts.

I know I will see our boys again, it is possible, it is up to me to get back to them. To strive to live a life worthy of being with them again. I know my Savior lives and loves me. I know that this church is true because it gives me the hope, faith and strength that I need to endure this life. I know that with my Heavenly Father I can do anything. I will always miss Owen and Landry but I know in my heart that they live on still and are not far away. I will see them again, this is not the end.
Thank you Owen for the wonderful journey, it will never be forgotten and neither will you!

Monday, June 29, 2015

2015 Angel Day

Angel Day #5

April 21, 2015

I remember while growing up, dreaming and talking with my sister about getting married and having children. I would have the perfect life, perfect children and everything in between would be perfect too! Too bad we have to grow up and realize that reality hits you in the face a time or two and the only option to have is to get back up and keep going!
I would have never guessed I would be celebrating an angel day for one of my babies'. Since I will face this day each and every year for the rest of my life I choose to embrace it and make the most out of it. I believe trials come to make us better than who we were the day before.
Each year I try to come up with something to give or do for someone else in Landry's name. This year I had one plan, and since it has been so long I don't remember the details of it, it couldn't happen because Owen wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to take him out of the house.
This is where divine intervention comes in and once again technology blessed my life! A family that had recently lost an unborn baby came to my mind and I wondered what I could do for them. Then a book title came to mind. I quickly got on amazon and with a few clicks this book was on its way to this sweet family.
I love the movie too! The part when little Colton tells his mom about his big sister in heaven that he shouldn't even know about touched my heart. I wanted this family to know that I too believe this little sister will be with them again too.


Five years closer to my little man..........

Happy 5th Birthday!

We were all in disbelief that it could really be 5 years ago that you joined our family. We miss you still but know you are always watching over us! We hope you had a wonderful birthday in heaven. We had a nice day celebrating you down here.
First, there was a knock on the door at 8 in morning. I answered it and it was a friend with a cheesecake, blue candles and a blue, solar pinwheel. Then a few hours later another knock at the door, I answered and it was 3 friends with dinner and flowers in hand. (It took me until after they left to realize it was the young women's presidency that I work with! I couldn't figure out why our presidency meeting had been canceled.) They came in and saw the strawberry mess I was making and stayed and hulled and cut all my strawberries for jam, while I finished Owen's bath. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude! 
Later that afternoon I got to take pictures of this little angel. It worked out perfect for me to do this on your birthday! It was a perfect gift in your name for this family...I hope anyway ;)
I know this is super late and I am glad you know we always celebrate on time, the blogging is the only thing that is late :)

 We got two cakes to celebrate you this year! 
Believe is a word I have come to love in the last 7 years.
We believe we will see you again....one day.
 We went to visit your spot. 
We are so blessed that others remember your birthday too and bring cute things to decorate.
Later that evening more flowers came.
 This also came just in time for your birthday! I asked a very talented friend to do this. It is perfect! (Thank you for whoever went behind my back and paid for it!)
This wall was all made up from love of many. We know where you are and that you are doing the Lord's work. We still miss you but this is a great reminder of the plan and what we have to work for.
Abby won the war to light your candles ;)
We love you and love celebrating those special days for you and knowing you are truly a part of our family! We love you and are so excited for that day we will meet again.

Love Mom and the family