Appreciation

The last little while my brain has been going non-stop as I have tried to make sense of thoughts, feelings and emotions. A statement from an angel Mom came to me. She has lost two children to Type II SMA. She said that she had come to appreciate death. I thought I knew what she meant, but until now I only thought I knew. I think I am now getting closer to knowing what she really meant.
As I think of Landry and his passing, it really couldn't have been better, for him. He never suffered. He was never miserable. As hard as it was and still is to let him go I am learning to appreciate a few things surrounding this excruciating heartache.
I only met this mother once but I will never forget the lessons I learned from her. I was only able to talk with her for a few minutes but her words will last a lifetime. I am grateful for that and I appreciate how I came to meet her.
Now as we deal with the future and the day that we will have to say goodbye to Owen, that appreciation keeps coming back to my mind. We went to his trach/vent clinic appointment yesterday and one of the doctors (a true earthly angel) listened to Owen's bowels and couldn't believe they were still working as well as they are. I am not sure how this all fits together with appreciation, but I guess I appreciate the fact that the Lord is taking care of Owen and us as his family. Owen has no pain! Enough said, really! I can't understand how his bowels can be so slow moving, and yet he is happy and comfortable.
Maybe I am hoping to 'appreciate death' before I have to watch my little man suffer or be miserable. And maybe I am just hopeful that one day I will be like that courageous Mom that I met for a few minutes one day. Death will take my precious boy one day, but without death he would have to suffer. I don't know that I have shared my feelings in a way that anyone else can understand. I appreciate being raised with the gospel of Jesus Christ and my knowledge of eternal families.

That being said... I have a lot to appreciate in my life.